Phase 3: My Relationship with Self
Video 1:
What do you love about yourself?
What do you love about yourself?
Transcript of Video:
In this phase of our growing a Rule of Life, we are focusing on your relationship to yourself. There are some wonderful words in the prophecy of Isaiah: “You are precious in my sight and honored and I love you.” We have been created by the love of God, for the love of God, in the love of God. This is what God is up to, and God is up to in your life. This is how God is operating, so cooperate. Cooperate with how God is operating in your life. How you love yourself will make a world of difference in how you relate to others. It will set the bar for how you relate to others. Loving yourself is so important. You’re worth it.
Some of us have qualifiers. Some of us have had “weeds” sown into the ground of our being, which may go all the way back to childhood and they’ve never been eradicated from the garden of our soul. I have got some drive inside of me that says “should” a lot. I should be able to get this done, I should be able to do this, I should be able to perform or complete something at a certain level – and I seldom get to that level. And for me what I get in touch with is some weeds that go way back, which I have not yet completely eradicated, and for which often times I need help with fellow gardeners to be able to live a whole life and really, really bloom.
– Br. Curtis Almquist
Video 2:
How has your relationship with your body changed;
how might it change?
Transcript of Video:
When I was growing up I was what you would call “divorced” from my body, from my physicality, my embodiment in the world, because for a long time I didn’t see it as a resource, as a place of safety. I saw it as something to run away from. It contained some really painful emotions. And then sometime in my late 20s, I discovered dance, quite by accident, and I don’t think it is an exaggeration to say that dance saved my life, because it was a means of expressing myself through movement, of using my body for something creative. It allowed me to get in touch with those parts of myself that I had denied for a very long time. It wasn’t all very pleasant because it allowed me to get in touch with things living in my body that, like I said, were very painful. But as I worked my way through those, I was able to get to a point where my body was seen as – or I was able to see my body as a very beautiful resource that I can bring to my prayer life, that I can bring to all sorts of activities. And it was in recognizing how beautiful my body was that inspired me to want to honor it and treat it right, both through diet, physical exercise and of course, at the time, more dancing.
I think in creating a Rule of Life I think it is important to include elements within it that allow us to honor our bodies, to include our bodies as part of our entire experience in the world, not as something to be divorced from. Often times when praying it is easy to the mistake of being all in our heads. But the desert fathers repeated again and again how important it was to descend from our heads into our hearts and to live in our bodies. So I would encourage people creating a Rule of Life to include that element. To have some reminder that in the Rule itself that says, “I value my body. God sees my body as beautiful and I am going to include it as a resource in my life of prayer dedicated to God.”
– Br. Nicholas Bartoli
When I was growing up I was what you would call “divorced” from my body, from my physicality, my embodiment in the world, because for a long time I didn’t see it as a resource, as a place of safety. I saw it as something to run away from. It contained some really painful emotions. And then sometime in my late 20s, I discovered dance, quite by accident, and I don’t think it is an exaggeration to say that dance saved my life, because it was a means of expressing myself through movement, of using my body for something creative. It allowed me to get in touch with those parts of myself that I had denied for a very long time. It wasn’t all very pleasant because it allowed me to get in touch with things living in my body that, like I said, were very painful. But as I worked my way through those, I was able to get to a point where my body was seen as – or I was able to see my body as a very beautiful resource that I can bring to my prayer life, that I can bring to all sorts of activities. And it was in recognizing how beautiful my body was that inspired me to want to honor it and treat it right, both through diet, physical exercise and of course, at the time, more dancing.
I think in creating a Rule of Life I think it is important to include elements within it that allow us to honor our bodies, to include our bodies as part of our entire experience in the world, not as something to be divorced from. Often times when praying it is easy to the mistake of being all in our heads. But the desert fathers repeated again and again how important it was to descend from our heads into our hearts and to live in our bodies. So I would encourage people creating a Rule of Life to include that element. To have some reminder that in the Rule itself that says, “I value my body. God sees my body as beautiful and I am going to include it as a resource in my life of prayer dedicated to God.”
– Br. Nicholas Bartoli
Video 3:
Growing a Rule of Life: What frailties or weaknesses
in yourself might you befriend?
Transcript of Video:
Jesus in one of his parables speaks of the farmer who plants the seed – and it grows, he knows not how. The hiddenness of growth I think is an aspect also of growing into and forming a Rule of Life. One of the aspects that I have learned of that hiddenness is embracing limitations. Embracing what might be seen as weaknesses and seeing them as perhaps the alternative side of one’s graces and gifts, with various limitations that come about through age or with health problems, with perhaps the fleeting of memory, or the vigor of being able to work at the pace that one might have in the past or even to take part in the life of the Christian community. I think there is a hiddenness of grace that reflects in all of our relationships – with one another, with ourselves, and with God. Embracing the frailty of our human nature is a way of giving thanks to God. Forming ourselves in a Rule that is full of gratitude, expresses and embraces all the aspects of the mystery that we are before God as a particular image and likeness of God, which no other is.
It is also a way of us preparing for the new life, the new life that we begin to experience even now this side of the grave. A life in which we have interdependence one with another, a dependence on God that is an intimate one, one that is able to relax into the fullness of each day and each experience, without making judgments about them, but rather seeing all as gift and treasure as we are remade in Christ’s image.
– Br. Jonathan Maury
Jesus in one of his parables speaks of the farmer who plants the seed – and it grows, he knows not how. The hiddenness of growth I think is an aspect also of growing into and forming a Rule of Life. One of the aspects that I have learned of that hiddenness is embracing limitations. Embracing what might be seen as weaknesses and seeing them as perhaps the alternative side of one’s graces and gifts, with various limitations that come about through age or with health problems, with perhaps the fleeting of memory, or the vigor of being able to work at the pace that one might have in the past or even to take part in the life of the Christian community. I think there is a hiddenness of grace that reflects in all of our relationships – with one another, with ourselves, and with God. Embracing the frailty of our human nature is a way of giving thanks to God. Forming ourselves in a Rule that is full of gratitude, expresses and embraces all the aspects of the mystery that we are before God as a particular image and likeness of God, which no other is.
It is also a way of us preparing for the new life, the new life that we begin to experience even now this side of the grave. A life in which we have interdependence one with another, a dependence on God that is an intimate one, one that is able to relax into the fullness of each day and each experience, without making judgments about them, but rather seeing all as gift and treasure as we are remade in Christ’s image.
– Br. Jonathan Maury
Video 4:
Growing a Rule of Life: How are you creative?
Transcript of Video:
Something I am learning about myself is that in engaging with creativity, with creative process, I am a drawer and a painter, so that’s one area what I can think about creativity a balance between allowing myself to engage with that creativity in a way that is hoping for a tangible outcome and also giving myself time to engage with that without the pressure of any outcome coming from it, so just delighting in the process. I think that’s really useful for me not to get stuck or paralyzed. And so I think a similar dynamic applies to prayer, that allowing yourself to be surprised or to break out of a particular routine in terms of the ways of praying that might be most comfortable or most time tested for myself. Allowing myself to be surprised or to occasionally take productive detours in my prayer life.
– Br. Keith Nelson
Video 5:
Growing a Rule of Life: How does it feel to imagine
God looking at you – with adoring love?
Transcript of Video:
Now here is a suggestion for you: to take a body map – your body. Go to some place, perhaps outside sitting under a tree or inside some place that is cozy, maybe some place where you can dim the lights, even light a candle, and to map your body from the top of your head to the bottom of your toes. How do you see yourself? How do you see your face or features of your face? Work your way literally through your entire body. Where do you find your own belovedness? Where are you amazed with your body – maybe what your hands can do? Where do you find sadness or pain? Where do you see brokenness or scarring? What doesn’t work? What do you wish were different and why do you wish it? See where you are wounded and where you really need healing. The invitation here is to be aware of how you carry yourself through life and to accept an invitation from God to see yourself as God sees you with the eyes of love, amazement, devotion. You are God’s child whom God adores.
– Br. Curtis Almquist
Video 6:
Growing a Rule of Life: How might your mind and body need to be nurtured?
Transcript of Video:
It is often the case when any of us are attempting to form or to grow or to realize anew a Rule of Life that there may be a temptation to think only in “spiritual” terms. And this would be very wrong because the truth of it is that a life in Christ is holistic. It is body, mind and spirit being integrated and brought into one by God’s love. There is nothing about us – in our physical desires, our physical enjoyment, the creativity or those things which stimulate our minds and imaginations – that does not belong as a part of a Rule of Life. To be named perhaps: What are your pastimes? What are your hobbies? What are your ways of finding exercise? What are your ways of finding relationship with others? It might be – as one of my directeees at one time incorporated into a Rule of life – English country dancing. It was to use the body, not to do difficult exercise, but to express joy in the company of others. It is to be whole.
Another aspect might be in some way or another to make music, or to go away entirely from pursuits that have anything to do with “religion” and immerse oneself in art or in the sciences. All of these aspects are part of our maintaining our health and creativity. We must let the heart open up and imagine these things. Make affirmations rather than prescriptions in our Rule of Life. Live wholly in God’s love – that is the way to bring body, mind and spirit into life through a Rule of Life.
– Br. Jonathan Maury
It is often the case when any of us are attempting to form or to grow or to realize anew a Rule of Life that there may be a temptation to think only in “spiritual” terms. And this would be very wrong because the truth of it is that a life in Christ is holistic. It is body, mind and spirit being integrated and brought into one by God’s love. There is nothing about us – in our physical desires, our physical enjoyment, the creativity or those things which stimulate our minds and imaginations – that does not belong as a part of a Rule of Life. To be named perhaps: What are your pastimes? What are your hobbies? What are your ways of finding exercise? What are your ways of finding relationship with others? It might be – as one of my directeees at one time incorporated into a Rule of life – English country dancing. It was to use the body, not to do difficult exercise, but to express joy in the company of others. It is to be whole.
Another aspect might be in some way or another to make music, or to go away entirely from pursuits that have anything to do with “religion” and immerse oneself in art or in the sciences. All of these aspects are part of our maintaining our health and creativity. We must let the heart open up and imagine these things. Make affirmations rather than prescriptions in our Rule of Life. Live wholly in God’s love – that is the way to bring body, mind and spirit into life through a Rule of Life.
– Br. Jonathan Maury
Video 7:
Growing a Rule of Life: How can you find and maintain
a healthier balance in your life?
Transcript of Video:
We’ve come to the end of a week where we’ve been talking about how you relate to yourself – I want to say, how you love yourself. There’s some things that will make a real difference in your life: One is to have beauty as a daily part of the rhythm of your life, especially when you go through a difficult patch in life, or if every day is full of challenging things because of your relationships or because of your work or volunteer activities. Using your five senses to take in beauty will give you a different sense of balance in your life. The difficult things won’t go away, but you will get a much greater sense of harmony, blend, direction, focus, hope – by taking into your daily diet beauty.
Something also that I do is I plan for something that I know will be enjoyable, every day. Now, lots of things in the course of a day are enjoyable, but I actually plan for something that I know I’m going to do that will be enjoyable in the course of a day. Some days I’ve got this much time; some days I’ve got this much time. Planning for it and enjoying something will make such a difference.
Here’s something you may not include in your Rule of Life: you may not “dis” yourself. If there is a part of you that is continually critical about yourself, where you come up short, where you’re not “good enough,” where you should be other than what you are – that has to stop. You may not “dis” yourself. You may not disrespect yourself. You have to look kindly on yourself and love yourself as God your Creator does. You are God’s creation, a child of God’s adoration, and you need to cooperate with that. No “dissing.” No “dissing.”
Something that I practice every day is parting with something. Even in a monastery we accumulate things and I find it enormously liberating – I travel lighter – by parting with something every day. It will also change your relationship to things, where you’re aware that you’re stewarding something for as long as it’s helpful, and when it’s time to let it go, you part with it. Not cling, but part with it.
And then, lastly, what about Sabbath practice – a day for you to be and not to do? If you cannot figure into the rhythm of your life a weekly Sabbath, then think about a Sabbath practice that can inform some every day. It will make a world of difference to you, and you’re worth it!
– Br. Curtis Almquist
We’ve come to the end of a week where we’ve been talking about how you relate to yourself – I want to say, how you love yourself. There’s some things that will make a real difference in your life: One is to have beauty as a daily part of the rhythm of your life, especially when you go through a difficult patch in life, or if every day is full of challenging things because of your relationships or because of your work or volunteer activities. Using your five senses to take in beauty will give you a different sense of balance in your life. The difficult things won’t go away, but you will get a much greater sense of harmony, blend, direction, focus, hope – by taking into your daily diet beauty.
Something also that I do is I plan for something that I know will be enjoyable, every day. Now, lots of things in the course of a day are enjoyable, but I actually plan for something that I know I’m going to do that will be enjoyable in the course of a day. Some days I’ve got this much time; some days I’ve got this much time. Planning for it and enjoying something will make such a difference.
Here’s something you may not include in your Rule of Life: you may not “dis” yourself. If there is a part of you that is continually critical about yourself, where you come up short, where you’re not “good enough,” where you should be other than what you are – that has to stop. You may not “dis” yourself. You may not disrespect yourself. You have to look kindly on yourself and love yourself as God your Creator does. You are God’s creation, a child of God’s adoration, and you need to cooperate with that. No “dissing.” No “dissing.”
Something that I practice every day is parting with something. Even in a monastery we accumulate things and I find it enormously liberating – I travel lighter – by parting with something every day. It will also change your relationship to things, where you’re aware that you’re stewarding something for as long as it’s helpful, and when it’s time to let it go, you part with it. Not cling, but part with it.
And then, lastly, what about Sabbath practice – a day for you to be and not to do? If you cannot figure into the rhythm of your life a weekly Sabbath, then think about a Sabbath practice that can inform some every day. It will make a world of difference to you, and you’re worth it!
– Br. Curtis Almquist
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